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Today, I felt a bit like Monica Wright (played by Sanaa Lathan) in Love & Basketball. Maybe it was because I had just come back from the gym. Or maybe because I felt like my teenage self again, hanging out with the guys and playing basketball. And yeah, I harbored a crush on several of them. They all used to call me "LA," since I hated my real name. It's funny because one of my friends from high school still calls me LA. She's the only one though.
Let's fast forward, ten years later. Here I was, in my blue Foot Locker tee and navy blue Air Force shorts, taking pictures of my scars. I wish that I one distinct scar on my jaw because then maybe I wouldn't feel so insecure. I mean, what's one scar, right? I've got legions of scars - inflated, pitted, discolored reminders of my past life as someone who came alive as a tomboy. It was almost like living double lives - I was intelligent, reserved Lakish at school. However, on the weekends, I transformed into LA - this rough, aggressive chick. It was fun. I can't share the stuff that I did because some of those incidents showed up in my background check for the military but we're moving on.
Those were my best memories before I moved to Germany. I rarely went out. My best friend's mom remarked that I looked lighter than my siblings. That was true. I owe that to the bleaching creams and fade creams that I was using at the time. I would cover my skin up - if I wore short sleeves, I'd wear a sweater. If I wore a skirt or dress, more likely than not, I'd wear tights instead of stockings. I didn't want anyone to see my scarred arms or legs. It was bad enough they had to see my face. I hadn't mastered the application of makeup yet (I'm better but not so much that I've mastered the concept) so when I did wear makeup, it was painfully obvious. I'd had this Phantom of the Opera-type mask on my face with lip gloss on. It makes my stomach twist to think about it. I didn't have anyone there to teach me but I did have a few that turned me on to Proactiv. That's a different story though.
Here are my legs. I have to say that I thought that they were so much worse, especially my knees. I've been using the Black Opal Body Fade Creme in Extra Strength. Today, I was walking to the gym on post. I saw this Army chick looking at my legs. I felt so self-conscious that I started tugging on my shorts but the gesture was useless. For one, they were short and two, she had already saw how scarred my legs were. I was looking right at her. Do you know how irritating it is to "see" people in your peripheral vision staring at your skin? They try to be so slick about it but you KNOW they're wondering if you have skin cancer!
The scars on my legs are mostly flattened keloids. I was doing some research earlier this week. At CVS, there is a plethora of scar treatments. I was not aware of this. I've only been to CVS a handful of times - I visited one in Kansas on 3 or 4 occasions. In Texas, once. However, I was too busy looking for toners and makeup to notice, I guess. Wait a minute, I did buy a vial of Bio-Oil there. After stumbling on this site, I wonder how effective it will be on my scars, particularly my keloids. I'm also thinking about adding cocoa butter into my skin regimen again. I miss the smell. Carol's Daughter Gelee de Soleil SPF 15 Browning Gel looks tempting too because my legs look a little pale here. This is right after I spent 2 hours at the gym. I was in a hurry this afternoon (like always) and I didn't have time to apply lotion. So, I was in the car, moisturizing my arms and legs with Rosalyn's Body Cream in Cocoa Masoy. Yes, it is thick, but that's why I loved it so much. It smells intoxicating too. I have it in a sample size. I got a few other products from Rosalyn so stay tuned for that. Here's another picture.
It's one of my favorite scars. It looks like a scythe, doesn't it? I like to think of it as an upside-down "L." If I remember correctly, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, swinging my legs. My ankle got caught on a sharp point sticking out from the bottom of my rail. At first, the scar wasn't deep but I was fascinated by the shape and the skin hanging off so I picked at it. I'd pick at it until a scab couldn't grow back. That's why it looks like that. The edges used to be darker - almost black - but with a combination of cocoa butter, shea butter, bleaching and fading creams, this is what it looks like. One of my dreams is to get laser surgery so that I can rid of all of my scars but I'll probably feel weird without them, you know? I've had them for so long that I probably wouldn't know how to act. I'm sure that I'd still feel the same. Lastly, I'd like to share a scar that I got in boot camp.
Now, I'm not sure how this happened. All I know is that I noticed it right before I had to go to physical conditioning. I probably had hurt myself during training and was too stressed to notice!
But getting back to CVS, one treatment that caught my eye was Kelo-cote Advanced Formula Scar Gel. Have you heard of this? I had a feeling that this formula was for keloids so I read on. From the site: "For old and new scars. Reduces redness; softens and flattens raised scars; relieves itching and discomfort associated with scars; prevents excessive and abnormal scar formation. Kelo-cote is also for use on children or people with sensitive skin. Kelo-cote is a patented, self-drying, flexible, gas permeable, waterproof silicone gel sheet that is colorless and odorless. When used as directed, Kelo-cote has been shown to flatten, soften and smooth scars. Intended use: Kelo-cote is intended for the management of old and new scars, including hypertrophic and keloid scars, resulting from general surgical procedures, trauma, wounds and burns. CE listed."
If you ever used Mederma, you know it smells like onions. I wonder if this gel has a funky smell as well? It's also cheaper - it's $16.99 while Mederma is $18.99. If I could, I'd take advantage of CVS' huge beauty sale to buy this item. You heard, right? It started on August 15th and will end on September 11th. You can get 20% off of almost every beauty item in the store - both regular brands and CVS brands. Unfortunately, this is an online sale so you can't go to your nearest CVS and stock up on beauty goods. If you spend $49 or more, you can get free shipping! Oh, if only I had my Pell grant already!!
I'll stop here but let me know what you think. Do you have any scars? What did you do to treat them?
