Blaq Vixen Beauty

Editor's Note: I've been working on this post for three days. It was supposed to be this past Skin Care Sunday post! That's hardly new considering I'm always writing and rewriting certain posts in my head, particularly posts about my skin. Since I've had so much to say about this subject, I'm still writing. I'll have to split this into two (or maybe three) posts so maybe this time, writing will be more therapeutic.

I took this picture March 21. I am posing for the camera right before I had to go to Mississippi for TDY. At the time, I was using the CTRL Acne System for women. I was barely using my Ambi Fade Cream or any other products containing hydroquinone for that matter. For the first time, I was learning to accept my facial scarring. I was on the road to almost embracing my scars - not only on my face - but also on my body. As a reformed tomboy, I used to see them as badges of honor and of beauty, even if society didn't see them that way.

This is also the first time in a while that I haven't resorted to bleaching creams. If you noticed, the inner part of my face is considerably lighter than the rest of my face. This is because I used bleaching creams in middle school and the first half of high school. The last bleaching cream I used was Symba Skin Lite 'N' Smooth Cream.

Thinking about it now, it did seem odd that the PX would sell something that seemed, for lack of a better word, outdated. The packaging is orange, brown and white - just ugly compared to the trendy exterior of Palmer's Skin Success Eventone Fade Cream. Yet I bought it anyway. I won't blame it on the alcohol (I don't drink), but I will blame it on my tendency to buy products just because I have the money to buy them at that particular time. And, oh yeah, because I felt inspired - determined really - to make my spots disappear.

I made it my mission to try just about every over-the-counter (OTC) whitening cream/face cream that I could get my hands on without taking a trip to the dermatologist. (I hate going to the dermatologist. I go in feeling hopeful but I leave dejected.) Well, except Fair and White. I didn't want to be fair and white; I wanted to be dark and lovely with gorgeous skin. Since I had never seen this particular fade cream before, I decided to buy it. Later, after I applied it to my arms and legs, I Googled it. In one of the search results, the words "banned skin bleaching/skin whitening products" showed up. I was hesitant to click the link because I knew that Symba Skin Lite 'N' Smooth Cream were on that list.

However, my curiosity got the best of me and I found out some more disturbing news: some of the fade creams/bleaching creams that I was using over the years were also on that list. Ambi. Dr. Fred Summit. Nadinola. These brands were all banned in Kenya, not in the United States. When I read that some of the banned products contained steroids, I had a flashback, which I will share in part II of this post.

Still, this information was enough for me to throw away that tube of Symba Skin Lite 'N' Smooth Cream. I haven't purchased any bleaching creams since then. I don't plan to either...but whenever I use a new skincare product that produces more breakouts and scars than beautiful, unblemished skin, I get tempted. I remind myself that the reason why I was having reverse results is that I didn't used a sunscreen. You've heard the myth that our melanin protected us from the sun, right? That you and I had a natural sunscreen built in our skin. To some extent, that's true. Nevertheless, even we brown girls need sunscreen that'll keep our skin glowing and uniformed. No matter how many sunscreens I get for editorial consideration, I always make my way back to Ambi Even and Clear Daily Moisturizer with SPF 30. I only wish I had embraced sunscreen sooner.

I was called "Diarrhea Face" behind my back by a "friend." I made the mistake of telling my middle school crush that I liked him. He went and told nearly the whole school. He said that he was disgusted because I was so ugly. He couldn't believe that the girl with the scarred face liked him. I hated him after that. I forgive him for the most part but I couldn't believe how much of a douchebag he really was.

This is officially the first time that I told anyone about my past with bleaching creams. For the most part, no one even suspects that I used them. This has been quite difficult to write. I don't want to come off as "whiney," but reflective. I still feel as if I need to edit this piece but I think I'll end it here...for now.